there's this one guy who is like my all-time-lover-boy... he was my first boyfriend. we were not together that long and it's my bad... maybe i wasn't ready for the bf-gf thing back then. it hurt him well that i know...grabe... i could be under the category heartbreaker and i have a high chance of winning if it were a contest.
we went on separate lives and had our own other relationships since then. it took some years before we got along well again. it's like everytime we meet i felt very guilty and i could feel that he was definitely mad at me but we always pull it off and be casual with each other.
i don't know if i'm just plain mean or i'm just being a typical girl but i really loved the thought of him still liking me despite what i did then. if there was a chance, we would text each other or meet up even if we were both in a relationship with other people. it was a fling, i think. but i could tell that the emotions involved wasn't a fling at all. we were like this for a couple years.
my friends always tell me that i'm stupid enough not to like him. well he's a good liking guy, but aside from that he is a person with a good heart. and to top it all, he gives the assurance that he won't hurt me (unlike my past relationships). yet i didn't give him a chance. we were like dancing cha-cha. he comes to me i make him go away. and when he goes, i make him come back. argh! foolish of me. and bad me as well.
i never thought that this day would come. it's the day that i don't want him to go away anymore. the problem is, i don't think he knows that. probably he still assumes that i'm just fooling around again just like before. i've been trying to tell him that i want whatever there is between us to be taken seriously. i've always said i'm not ready for relationships at this point in my life but then again i realized when would i be ready. so here i am trying to be brave enough to embrace my fear of being and in-love. and the situation is just killing me. it's really killing me.
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